According to the Office of National Statistics, UK, more people than ever in the fifty plus age group are getting divorced, and then looking at remarriage or living with a partner.
In stark contrast, the age group of 25 – 29 has recorded the highest rate of divorce for the fifth consecutive year. Meanwhile, the number of marriages solemnized per year has shown a remarkable slump since 2002. Statistics are quoted to help analysis, and the figures stated above also reveal something very important about English and Welsh society at the turn of the century. Gone are the days when the ideal couple would conjure the image of two picturesque young people, blessed with a kid or two, before they reached their early thirties. It seems that maturity gained over the years and through experience is a more stable base for a successful relationship, than the attractions of youth.
Problems in Getting Back Again
The net is humming with divorcees clubbing, chatting, dating, sharing problems and triumphs, and rebuilding their lives. Interestingly, the greatest hurdle on their way to happiness seems to be overcoming the initial psychological barrier. Having looked through a sizeable number of these websites actually reveals much more than reading a scholarly report on behavioral studies. The most common barriers faced by those who want to ‘get back’ again can be summed up as follows.
- Getting over the ‘block’ after all those years – While it is definitely more difficult for those who have just stepped out of a long and deadening marriage, this block may have nothing to do with time for some. When one takes the nuptial vows, there is a mutual understanding that flirtation is not going to be part of the package.
- Guilt – Though there is no legal or moral compulsion to remain faithful to a former partner, many people feel guilty about post divorce dating. It is an interesting trend, but men seem to be more plagued by a sense of guilt than women, perhaps because the ‘turnaround time’ is also shorter for them.
- Shyness and misgivings – It is strange if a divorced mother of two in her mid forties starts blushing like a high school girl, or a fifty plus father starts to fumble while talking to his new date. But these are common symptoms for those who are opening a second chapter in their life.
- The physical block – It has been proved repeatedly that sex can actually be a route to a longer life, might reduce the chances of a heart attack, is a stress buster, and a mentally rejuvenating experience for most. Divorced daters, however, have two major problems here; they either go on a binge, wishing to stay non committal, or have trepidations about entering a physical involvement again. Forty plus women with bright career prospects seem to have these doubts more than any other age group.
- Financial insecurities – Divorces are costly and so are families. It is not very easy to earn a comfortable living in
- Children – Obviously, this is a greater problem for women than men, given that the vast majority of
The Planners
Just like marriage, there are ‘planners’ for divorcees too. Dating agencies are growing in number and choice of services. A recent survey revealed that an increasing number of people are opting for pre-dating research on the internet – globally. The net offers the possibility to choose someone according to matching tastes, lifestyles, and opinions. One can be focused about profession and finances too, without having to pop embarrassing questions on the first evening itself. A good dating agency provides a comprehensive database of eligible singles, and it is possible to customize the search to a very great extent. There is also the scope to discuss the proceedings and problems with peer support groups, and seek professional help on matters ranging from legal advice to finding baby sitters or minders for the children.
Once one has conquered the doubts and shaky knees, it is time to enter the arena again.
