In January, 2007, a popular divorce website surveyed more than a hundred law firms in order to find out more about people's attitudes towards marriage, separation and the reasons behind it. According to their findings, 30% of those surveyed cited infidelity as the cause of divorce, while some others hinted at it. In brief, extramarital affairs continue to be the ruling cause of split-ups among couples in the UK, in continuation to the trend revealed by the Office of National Statistics (ONS) survey over the past seven years. The rate continues to be overwhelmingly higher among men, with their spouses filing for the divorce in most cases. The second most common ground for divorce was a more legally nebulous phenomenon of 'falling out of love'. It usually resulted in the no-faults divorce which is so common now. 54% of the cheated spouses found out about their partner's changed affections themselves, while one-fifth confessed voluntarily. 4% said they were told about it by the other man or woman, while only 1% were told via mail or letter. In the remaining cases, the affair came to the light in various ways, including some marriages that were so dead that both partners wanted to part and were looking for other people already. Christmas and New Year are still the best time for divorce for many people, as the festive season brings many conflicts out to the forefront in a way they are not done in daily life. This, too, is a trend set over several years now.
Causes of Infidelity
There are so many reasons behind infidelity that the results can be frankly mind-boggling. Some of the most common reactions heard in surveys and chat rooms alike are being noted below:
Lack of Sex: If this sounds gross, let us assure the reader that there is nothing sadder than two people sharing the same bed like a pair of logs. A lack of physical intimacy is a serious cause for concern, and does not indicate that the partner concerned is sex-starved by any means. It has deep physical and emotional significances, and often causes trauma and paranoia. The survey mentioned above had also revealed that some one-tenth of the couples divorced had admitted that they had no sex at all. This complaint came especially from men, who pointed out that their wives had lost interest in physical intimacy with them, and this was a manifestation of the fact that they did not share a common bonding anymore.
Mid life Crisis: A surprisingly large number of older men are still lured into brief infatuations with younger women, which are largely transient and casual affairs. It is an assertion of their youth, 'capacities' and will to stay young at least in mind. The other reason behind such wild flings is a terrible boredom with life as it stands. There is little love involved in these affairs, and they usually leave the person concerned more dejected than before.
Bad Marriage: In many cases, the marriage itself had been unwisely made right from the beginning. So the partners both want a way out of it. Falling in love with someone else again might turn out to be a healing experience in that case.
The Death of Marriage: Yes, it is possible for people to fall out of love, or simply become extremely tired of living with each other. A dead marriage is the perfect setting for an affair, as the person concerned has the capability and emotions necessary to be a successful lover, but just needs a different person.
Ways of Dealing with It
If you find out that your spouse has been cheating on you, the obvious reaction would be hurt, anger, shock, depression etc. Once the initial reactions are over, it is better to calm down and face the truth of the day. You may have lost out on the marriage, but you can at least part in peace and dignity. Many partners try to spy on their spouses, and this is a very bad idea. Once the truth is out, you should leave them alone, because you are the external element now. The other matter is to get ready for divorce. When there is third party involvement, make sure all matters of money and property are clearly stated in the terms and conditions of your divorce. If there are children concerned, make sure that agreement is reached concerning maintenance and visitation.
Finally, get on with life because love can happen again to you, too.
