We are all familiar with tales of celebrities who have divorced and then, soon after, became friends again as they mellowed down and came to accept the situation. And we are also aware of the people who continued the battle in all its initial fury long after it should have cooled down, harming each other, their children (sometimes even their grand children) and, most importantly, affecting their own careers negatively. There is no need to beat the drums about their sad lives, as that is being amply done all the time by the tabloids. Looking at perfectly normal, common people who lead otherwise undramatic lives, we will notice that partners who managed to maintain a friendly term with each other in general fared better than couples who went at each other’s throats each time they met. They ended up making their lives as well as their near and dear ones’ more miserable by their insatiable desire to ‘see it to its end.’
Common Mistakes
There are certain mistakes that are often committed by people, who live to regret it for the rest of their lives. Let us try to make a brief survey of such human follies born of grief and anger.
- Usually, two fighting partners waste a lot of time waiting for the other one to bury the hatchet first. It becomes a matter of prestige and both partners feel that they would lose out on their dignity if they appeared to maintain peace or at least a neutral distance. This is a wrong attitude, as you are not helping anyone, not making any important points, and the degree to which you have been emotionally wounded can be conveyed more effectively if you are not shouting incoherently.
- Couples start spying on each others post-divorce and this naturally leads to a lot of complications. If you have moved out of someone’s life, the nit is all over between the two of you. Let go of those vestiges of misplaced protective feelings that you still harbour for someone else’s partner. You are also being totally unfair to the person who is the hated third party now. It is not his or her fault; love can never be a fault.
- Using children to vent their anger, spy around, and play nasty pranks may sound silly, but can be a great emotional strain in the long run. It must be remembered that your fight is essentially yours; you have no right to involve other people in it, or try to shift the blame elsewhere, definitely not on your children who were not the architects of the mess you are in.
- In the age of internet, stalking and blackmail have achieved much more threatening dimensions than ever before. The internet is also full of the evidence that such crimes are on the rise in the
- Fighting a legal battle to sort out the property problems is a very costly idea in itself. Wouldn’t it have been so much easier, cheaper and faster if you had agreed on certain terms among yourselves before the court case began, and things spiralled out of control?
- Spreading malicious rumours and spicy gossip among your friends about your ex will reflect very badly on you at the end of the day. Most couples fail to realise this and start the grapevine working at the heat of the moment or out of a momentary need for sympathy. When the rumours come back to them more ugly than they ever thought it would get, they are filled with remorse, but have nothing left to do but bite their own tongue.
Benefits of a Peaceful Divorce
There are several benefits of a peaceful divorce.
- Obviously, you save more money, and definitely way more time. The DIY and internet divorce packages are becoming more popular as more people are beginning to realise precisely this point. Court battles are for celebrities, leave it to them, you don’t need the support of the press to restart your life after divorce.
- Children definitely care better when their parents maintain a mutual amiability. Though things will not be like before, there is no need to deprive them of their precious and short-lived childhood joys.
- A quiet divorce is the best start to a happier life. A second chapter of your life is opening, and it is best to start it on a fresh, clean page.
