Divorce can be a good thing

Life is short and this short period is meant for being happy. Getting trapped in unhappy relationships would only mean sentencing oneself to a life of despair and sorrow. But we have been long conditioned to believe that divorces are bad. They are termed bad, especially by those who have not experienced the gamut of negative emotions that mark high conflict marriages.

Divorce can be good if:

  • The children in the family are being affected.
  • Plenty of surveys, over the years have proved that children are not so much affected by the very act of divorce but by the marital tensions and discords in the family.
  • Another research studied 2000 children belonging to the 7 to 11 age group. Children from normal, happy families and those from divorced families performed better on the social level. Children from ‘high conflict intact families’ felt humiliated and neglected.
  • Small children try to please their parents. This is a normal response to parental stress and anger. Their efforts are often directed at easing the situation. But by doing so, they turn victims of their parent’s ire.
  • Older children react differently and turn hostile and aggressive in a negative atmosphere.
  • A child’s capacity for learning, thinking, interacting are greatly reduced as all energies become diverted to trying to find ways of surviving the highly volatile domestic situations.
  • Statistics have proved that children of battered mothers are more prone to psychological problems. One out of every fourth child has a mental disorder brought about by the discord observed at home.

Marital conflict reduces effective parenting. The stress of the conflict makes parents less responsive to the emotional needs of the children. Fathers especially become more emotionally withdrawn and do not relate well with their children.

Research reveals that 4 to 20% of variation in a child’s behaviour is brought about by divorce. But 40 to 50% of children exhibit emotional problems and disturbances in high conflict marriages that do not end.

Divorce is good if:

  •  Emotional, physical and sexual abuse is taking place within the marriage. Abuse can take many forms. Emotional abuses, like being extremely jealous, teasing, bullying or putting down are all deeply hurting. Emotional abuses leave lasting scars. In fact victims of emotional abuse should get out of the relationship fast. And if physical abuse and marital rape are also a part of married life, then prolonging such a relation absolutely makes no sense.

Divorce is also good if:

  • The partner has mental disorders, is a lesbian or homosexual, is an alcoholic or drug addict. Many people also suffer due to the infidelity and unfaithfulness of their spouse. Such marriages are better dissolved.
  • And when divorce does take place, take great care to not draw the children into bitter, unending fights. And at such times solicit the help of a mediator. A better option would be to go through a collaborative divorce. This is often better than mediation in the sense that there are lawyers and coaches available for guidance at every step. They help navigate the extremely difficult process.   
  • Of late, many research projects have been conducted into the issue of divorce. These findings reveal that couples in high conflict marriages report of a dramatic turnaround after the marriage has lasted for some years. These turn around happens roughly after five years. The difficult situations they had been facing get resolved and they remain happily married (ever after.)
  • One can only conclude by saying that divorce can be good if all efforts at making the marriage work have failed. Never opt for divorce before trying all means, for at least a year, to resolve problematic areas. Among the varied methods you would adopt for trying, maintaining a ‘compliment’ diary (where one compliments one’s partner every day) works wonders. And if the situation still fails to improve then ending the marriage is a wise decision for all concerned. Marriages that have been ended after much effort at reconciliation leave little room for pangs of guilt.
  • If all efforts fail and you still wish to continue the marriage for the sake of courage to walk out then think again.

Unhappy marriages shorten your life:

  • An unhappy marriage, especially in women brings about a change in their endocrine and immune systems.
  • Blood pressures increase.
  • People in unhappy relationships experience more pain to simple wounds and simple wounds heal slowly for production of pro inflammatory proteins called as cytokine decreases after arguments.
  • People in an unhappy marriage tend to suffer more from gum diseases, tooth cavities and ulcers.
  • Unhappy marriages lead to arthritis, cancer, heart disease and depression for it raises stress levels.

In conclusion, an unhappy marriage is bad for your health, so maybe divorce can be good.

Article: Divorce can be a good thing

Created on: 2007-07-24 12:11:39