Divorce is a gruesome reality that many children are not able to cope with. Other than its immediate aftermath consequences such as a feeling of alienation and many other psychological disorders, there are others that continue to manifest themselves even years later. An individual, who has gone through a divorce of his parents in childhood, rarely develops into the kind of person he would have become if the divorce had not taken place. Let us have a look at some of these lasting outcomes.
Some of the risks that are posed on children by divorce can be seen even a decade or two later as it is likely the divorce would mean alienation of the child from at least one of his parents. This hinders his development to a great extent. Such effects are likely to be more intense especially if the divorce has taken place in a person’s early childhood (when he or she is less than 6 years of age).
One of the main consequences faced is that of low self-esteem. It is a possible situation that a child might tend to believe that he or she has been responsible in someway for the divorce and continues to live with such guilt. If, such issues do not receive proper attention, they continue to grow over a period of time and manifest themselves in undesired dimensions in various human relationships that the concerned person may involve him with.
Also, the ability of the child to fight out his day-to-day problems in life is also likely to be affected. He may not be able to cope with problems such as the death of his beloved ones and growing feelings of insecurity. Every problem that the child faces as a grown up individual would bring back memories and fears of the divorce of his parents. Children are also likely to be physically weak and might face many health related disorders later in life.
The feeling of loneliness in a child also continues to grow, if he or she does not receive adequate attention. This may render a child incapable in many aspects such as interactions with his friends, associates or colleagues later in life. The statistics of certain surveys regarding the concerned issue claim that almost one among every four individuals, whose parents have divorced in his childhood, is facing various social and emotional problems. There are other surveys that have shown quite different results. Hence, it leaves one in a doubt as to what is to be believed.
It is indeed true that not all children face similar situations in later life. Statistics indicate that boys have a tougher time adjusting socially than girls. Also, it is believed that the severity of such effects depends mainly on the interaction between the child’s parents after the divorce. If they continue to remain on friendly terms after the divorce, the child is less likely to face such problems.
So this brings us to the question about whether such children can ever recover from the situation that they may be facing and are there any means to ensure their recovery.
Except in infrequent cases, it has been observed, that the effects that a child faces immediately are likely to remain permanent. Hence, the solutions if any, should take effect while the divorce takes place or immediately after the divorce.
The primary one among these is the continued interaction of the child with both his parents. This would mean that the child does not feel as alienated as he normally would. The amount of such interaction would depend largely on the capacity of the child to recover as well as on his age.
It is also really important that you do not discuss any open issues such as the reasons for the divorce with the child. In fact, you should shield him from these matters. This would help in removing any beliefs that a child may have formed. The parents should remember that if a child is grown up to be mature, he or she might not display his grief at all and keep his misery to himself.
Also, indulging in practices such as trying to bridge the conversation gap between the husband and wife through the child are likely to spoil the relations of the child with both his parents in later life and hence, they should be avoided.
It can be seen that the misfortune of parents’ divorce early in a person’s life is likely to leave permanent scars that would continue to trouble him throughout his life.
