The process of divorce pains both the partners; the initiator and the deserted. The initiator feels burdened with guilt and the deserted spouse feels extreme grief at the shattering of dreams that were expected to last a lifetime. Trying to reduce the pain and getting on with life is of prime importance in such a situation.
Divorce is painful for it brings about many changes at the emotional, social and financial levels. One among the first changes is a change in residential address.
A Change in Residence
The first change divorce brings in the life of a partner is the change in the place of residence. A life of solitude is extremely painful. This loneliness-driven pain can be mitigated to a certain extent by resolving all controversial topics and leaving no festering issues unsolved.
Process of Emotional Recovery
In spite of the best of efforts a lonely life can be a painful life at times, and the divorced partners often make the common mistake of concentrating on emotional recovery by attending sessions with their therapist. But little do they realise that a complete emotional recovery takes place by rediscovering self by concentrating on career and indulging in hobbies given up long since. In other words, it means, pampering oneself also helps the healing process.
Helping Children Recover
Indulgence in self should be given priority but not at the expense of forgetting the emotional needs of the children who most unfortunately suffer a lot. Brushing aside the issue of divorce and getting on with life is possible only if children are happy. Divorced partners can work together at regaining the smile of their children by reassuring them their continuing love made evident by spending qualitative time with them. And if a child still exhibits behavioural change, the help of a counsellor should be sought immediately.
Finance Management
Children are happy in a loving atmosphere and the availability of finances is required to ensure such a scenario. Finances have to be handled carefully for divorce reduces the available finance and living with reduced income is possible by proper planning that involves a juggling of careful budgets and investments. Another point worth stressing here is that addiction in any form only helps in straining the limited resources.
Rebuilding Lost Self Esteem
Rediscovering self and relationship with children recreates the warmth at home. Divorced people should also work at rebuilding their self-esteem that often takes a beating during the process of splitting up. Replacement of negative thoughts with positive self-talk helps.
Countering Sudden Unexpected Grief
With the development of self-esteem divorced couples are prepared to counter the emotional and financial upheavals, but they often forget to count the sudden unexpected problems that might come their way. Issues like spending lesser time than before with the children or the prospect of lonely holidays and weekends give rise to unexpected pain. Pain of this nature is difficult to counter for the single reason that it is totally unanticipated. Forging new friendships and getting back in touch with old friends helps the process of recovery.
Forging New Friendships
Forging new friendship or relationship should be well- planned. Any person can bond healthily only if the pain of past has been successfully dealt with. Creating friendly, emotional bonds or relationship should gradually occur over a period of time. Statistics prove that older people fail to form lasting relationships while younger divorced people strike success in this area.
Remarriage
Strengthening of emotional bonds would present the prospect of remarriage which should be entered into only by identifying the personal comfort zone shared with any individual. Different people seek different qualities in a relationship. Recognising needs and identifying these qualities in the other person helps in forming meaningful relationship within our comfort zone.
Remarriages complete the healing process but they work only if both the partners work at making a success of the relationship.
Avoiding Common Mistakes
Divorced people often make the most costly mistake of using children to take revenge on the ex-spouse and try to garner as much information from them as possible. Turning children against the other parent harms more the child than the parent.
Though divorce is a grief-filled process this pain can be overcome with effort and life post-divorce can be happier than being trapped in a failed marriage.
