Many career oriented women cut short their professional growth once they turn a wife and a mother. They stay at home beautify it, and raise wonderful children. People often wonder why women give up their job, a regular income and financial independence just for spending time with babies. However, this is precisely what many women do cutting across national and racial boundaries. For, maternal instincts are primeval among majority of the women.
Do you also belong to this clan of ‘stay at home moms?’ Your lovely house and children must be your sole pride. How would you feel if you were to be deprived of all these suddenly? Devastated? This is the exact emotion every marital partner feels when their spouse suddenly serves a divorce notice to them. They are numbed with shock when their callous partner walks up to them and hands over the divorce notice as if it were a mere slip of a paper.
Panic dulls a person’s senses. After the initial effect of shock people struggle to cope with the flood of emotions that threaten to overwhelm.
Gamut of Emotions
Your feelings of panic and shock would soon be replaced by a sense of denial. This should be temporary feeling however, if it persists you have to seek help. It is an alarming situation. Some divorcees have spent their entire lives in denial. While there are others who have made desperate efforts to get their spouse back.
If you are past denial, anger is the next emotions you might have to strongly grapple with. Divorce causes deep pain induced anger, especially if you have been short changed by your spouse after all the effort you spent in building up a family, that you could call your own.
These are severely strong emotions. Intense feelings gradually deaden with the establishment of a routine life. You will begin feeling self confident and strong once again. Have patience till these feelings pass over. Seek help of a therapist or attempt self help. Passivity prolongs pain.
Separation from Children
The impact of sudden divorce wreaks havoc for children are also forced to desert you if you fail to get custodial rights. Living without your children would plunge you into depression. Some people failed to emerge from such intense pain for children are intensely loved.
If the sudden divorce notice of your spouse might also separate you from your children, take plenty of steps to tide through this difficult phase. Make efforts to surround yourself with plenty of friends. Social relationships are required to rid you of the pain. Accept the situation and seek counselling. Ask your spouse also to attend the counselling sessions with you. Quite frequently counsellors suggest a trial separation.
Trial Separation
Separating couples are actively encouraged to stay separately and not maintain any contact with each other for a few months. Psychologists are aware that sudden divorce notices are often decisions reached on an impulse. They therefore advocate a trial separation period of 10 months. At the end of the duration, generally marital partners reconcile and establish marital harmony. This period of separation helps them in self analysis and fault rectification. Solitary living makes them realise the many times they have hurt their spouse, (intentionally or otherwise.) Irrespective of marital continuity trial separation effectively takes the sting out of sudden announcements.
Forgiving Mistakes
If you decide to live together with you spouse after the trial separation take care to not repeat the mistakes of past. It is important that you forgive your spouse for the wrong done. People are often reluctant to forgive for, they equate forgiveness with acceptance. They fear this might embolden the partner into committing further mistakes. Granting forgiveness only means that you no longer harbour ill will for the spouse. It is not the same as tolerating negativity. Venomous feelings only harm the mind that harbours it. By bringing up past hurt or mistakes you would only damage the renewed relationship. Forgiving the spouse is important even if you decide to separate. Only if you clear your mind of acrimonious thoughts you can lead a productive life.
If you are contemplating divorce, never make the mistake of serving the divorce notice when your spouse least expects it. Divorce notices, in general hurt the spouse and those notices that are suddenly served wreak havoc. Never let divorce devastate your family.
