Managed Divorce

Violent partnerships have been around before the institution of marriage was born. There are stacks of research on the matter, and the analyses show that patterns of physical abuse have changed over time, keeping pace with the social changes that came over each country and culture.

When it comes to the UK, there is a comfortable misconception that persists even now – and that is a stereotypical image of the marital abuser. Physical abuse has taken many forms now, beating being just one of them, and perfectly ‘respectable’ people torture their spouses too. The motives have become equally complicated over time, and though the adult male above twenty five but below fifty is still predominantly the abuser, there are too many exceptions here too. It is shameful that physical abuse rates have increased in the UK over the past three years. The causes are too many for sweeping generalisations to be made, but it is a phenomenon that needs to be treated with utmost seriousness.

The Statistics

17% of marriages in the UK in 2005 fell apart due to physical and mental abuse. This is a hike from the previous figures of 2002 – 2004. The worst part is that these are the cases that were directly reported as abuse, and the figure represents merely the tip of an iceberg. Most cases of abuse go unreported all over the world, and this country is not an exception.  2.5 – 3.4% of women get physically abused during pregnancies, and the rate is higher among teens. Once again, this is entirely based on cases reported. Most women are either too terrorized to report, or try to avoid troubles out of fear for their unborn children. This is obviously not the greatest safeguard. 70 – 80% of abused children in the UK face the danger at home from their parents. Almost no one reports it, out of fear of the consequences, which include discontinuity of education, threats of homelessness, stopping meals etc. It has been noted in all studies conducted that a parent who abuses his or her partner is more likely to harm the child as well.

According to the statistics, physical abuse is much more heightened in cases of cohabiting couples. Cohabiting men in the age group of twenty five to forty are most likely to hit their children, especially if they are not the biological father. If this sounds like a stereotype out of Dickens, then the similarity ends right here. Apparently women are extremely violent towards their own children, especially in financially trying circumstances. This is espeically horrific, because the child is usually young and helpless, with the only protector in the world turning into a monster.

There is much evidence of violence in the same sex relations as well. However, much concrete data not being available, the statistics quoted are far from accurate. The same thing may be said of figures provided by father’s rights activists. Several government and private agencies have strongly suggested that the figures are suspect, as all survey results go against them.

Divorce – A Way Out?

It may sound unfair at the surface, but the decision to divorce is a very serious one, so it will depend totally on the circumstances of the victim. Let us try to find out some of the parameters that may be a guide in this decision. 

• More important than the incident of abuse is the intent of abuse. It is all in the mind, as they say. If your partner seriously means to hurt you or harm you, it is best to get out of the marriage while the going is still relatively peaceful. An accident or a flash of momentary anger cannot be taken as a long-standing case of abuse in the court.
• Have you provoked this reaction in any way? At the moment, the question will seem unfair, the offence too big for any punishment. But there are cases where a spouse has reacted after constant provocation over a long period of time. The tables would be turned if one reports such a case as abuse.
• If you do have a justifiable history of abuse, do not linger for the sake of the children. There is considerable risk that they will also be physically abused and mentally scarred for the rest of their lives. Move out, and take them out too. If you cannot keep them with you immediately, ask for the help of a friend or family member.

Article: Physical Abuse

Created on: 2007-09-07 12:19:35