The most lingering feeling after a divorce is that of low self esteem. Losing a partner leads to a question of your own self-worth. You see yourself as a loser or a failure. As a result many people prefer to spend the first few days after the divorce in isolation shunning all human contacts. But human being is a social animal and it needs at least a minimum bit of human contact to survive.
Hurt eases eventually and people are back on the track. In the course of recovering from an emotionally traumatic separation, it is not unusual to enter into another relationship. This relationship is special since it helps you recover from your present state of low self-esteem.
What Are You Looking For in Your Partner
Before you start nurturing a relationship you should exactly know what kind of person you are looking for. You should look for all those qualities in that person even before you start to get serious about the relationship. Secondly, make a list of characteristics of the old boyfriends or ex-husband and see how many of their traits match your list. Don’t settle for something that is not up to your expectations for which you may have to regret later.
Online Dating
Internet dating is the safest way to start with. Writing an online profile is the first step. In order to stand out in the crowd the online profile has to be such that it captures the readers’ interest instantly. It should reflect your strong points, likings and personality. The name that you choose to display can be some activity that you follow such as Walking Woman, History Buff, or Golf Nut. It could refer to a profession or physical attribute such as Green Eyed Lady or Sunny Smiles.
Dos and Don’ts for Online Dating
Dos
- Some sites require you to describe your physical attributes. One golden rule is to ‘tell the truth’. There is no reason to lie about your weight or age.
- Appeal to the target audience. Use colourful language which instigates humour and at the same time describes your trait personality.
- Avoid the negative. No man would like to shoulder a burden, hence try to avoid sounding negative.
- Men and women fall for a well educated background and good earning power. Individuals who describe themselves as financially independent are likely to get greater number of responses.
- Uploading your photo with your profile generates more responses than without them.
- Summary Self line is the last and the final step to urge the web browser to click on your profile and not that of your competitor.
Don’ts
- Ask for too many things too soon
- Sound too sexy and sex starved
- Sound too romantic
- Pick on men unnecessarily.
Dating and Social Stigma
Negative stigma was attached to divorce a few generations ago which made starting all over again next to impossible. With time, things have changed not because the society has become positive in this regard but because divorce has become too common. However, this does not make it easy for one to begin after the traumatic stress of divorce. If you want to start dating just to prove a point, or to get back your ex-spouse, you have not overcome from your divorce and need to give yourself some more time.
Dating and Children
Kids are emotionally and mentally drained out by the whole process of divorce. Sudden changes in their lives can be overwhelming and hamper your chances of fostering a healthy relationship. There are several ways to ease the anxiety of the children.
Assure them that they will be loved and secured in the same way after the new relationship as they were before.
- Encourage them to express their feelings both negative and positive about your dating
- In case you are not serious about a relationship, avoid introducing the children to your dating partners.
- Go slow and never force your child to accept your date.
- Never allow your date to exert authority over your children until they are too close to your family.
- Always try to maintain the position of the ‘Role Model’ that you are in front of your children.
The Last Word
Always remember that dating is and should always be fun. Divorce should not change the person you are inside. The experience of meeting someone, who might become the essence of your life later, is exhilarating. Dating adds colour to our lives and we should ensure that we are as good a date as the other person. After all everyone has a right to enjoy oneself.
