Couples all over the world have their own share of arguments. It is impossible to lead a life without arguments. In any marital relationship, both spouses are bound to hold divergent views relating to important issues. Consequently arguments ensue. Finally, both partners work out a solution to usher in peace. Resolution of conflicts is very important in a relationship as it strengthens the bond and ensures it stands the test of time.
While most couples argue over money, raising children and in-laws, some arguments lead the warring couples to the divorce courts. In fact 3 in 10 couples divorce in the UK and if you’re one of those contemplating a divorce, let’s see what sets you apart from couples who may have the same number of arguments as you do, but are not getting divorced.
Like any other normal couple, even you and your spouse would have started life on a happy note. In course of time you realized, there was little love and respect remaining in the relationship.
Lack of Respect
If you and your spouse have few similarities in background, education and experiences, the way you perceive issues, is also likely to be dissimilar. When you hold differing opinions, talk over your differences calmly. Never let emotions colour these discussions. You and your partner must exercise caution. If your partner is intent upon turning emotional and repeatedly provokes you, restrain yourself. If you lose your temper, you not only lose the argument, but you also do your marriage more harm than good.
Further, when both of you get angry, your arguments turn into a fight. Fights can either be heated debates, fist fights or can be prolonged spells of non communicative silence. In whatever manner anger is manifested, the effect is the same: It reduces marital intimacy which will affect all aspects of life.
Little or No Communication
No marital partner intentionally loses confidence in the other or drifts apart purposefully. It happens over a period of time. In the initial years of your relationship, you shared many details of your life with the other. After marriage, you no longer could afford to give such quality time to your spouse. The arrival of children brings your communication to a zero level. You just speak with each other hurriedly over food or in transit. In such a scenario, whenever you have fights, you lose the inclination to reveal your personal issues to your spouse. The bitter arguments you have, drive a wedge in your relationship. Over a period of time, not sharing thoughts becomes habitual. You just forget that your spouse also happens to be your friend. Needless to say, your lack of intimacy also distances you sexually.
Lack of Sexual Intimacy
It is a common occurrence that whenever couples fight, they become emotionally distant and inevitably lose interest in sex. The situation is alarming when you and your spouse start sleeping in two different rooms. Some people wake up to this alarming situation and try to rectify their relationship at this point.
However, majority of them are wrong when they identify lack of sexual intimacy to be the source of their marital problems and try to solve it alone. Their efforts are bound to fail for an asexual marriage is the result of many factors: eroding respect, communication and emotional closeness. Such couples would have stopped going out together. And their social outings would have been dwindling steadily. So no sex would have been the end result of prolonged hostilities.
Marital fights thus drive both the partners apart. Unfortunately every relationship is fraught with troubles. If you face such circumstances, work at developing emotional closeness first. Draw boundaries. Do not violate the boundary of your spouse and do not allow your partner to transgress too. With the resolving of your emotional problems, your intimacy is bound to return.
Problematic issues have a tendency of slipping from one stage to another. It all begins with heated arguments. Take the heat out of your arguments. This will not only help you solve issues that appear vexing, but will also enhance the longevity of your marital life.
