The greatest tragedy of divorce is what happens to the children. They learn that love is fleeting, promises are made to be broken, and when we are dissatisfied with our spouse, we leave them. Therefore, children assume that when parents are dissatisfied with their children, they leave them too. It is our duty to ensure that children are reassured and secure.
Arrangements for Children
At the time the divorce petition is made, a statement will have to be drawn up about arrangements for children under 16 or children who are older and employed. If there is no agreement on this matter between the spouses, divorce proceedings will still continue and the matter will be settled in court.
The courts always act in the best interests of the children, and usually the custody will be awarded to the mother, unless she is incapable due to mental instability, illness or drug abuse, or if she does not wish to take the responsibility, in which case, if the father is seen as a fit parent, the custody will rest with him.
Joint Custody/Shared Residency
Joint custody is not common in the
Shared Residency gives parents the right to remove their children, if need be, from accommodation provided by a local authority. Children have a right to make their own decisions regarding shared residency.
When one parent is against the custody ruling, the awarding of shared residency can be the ideal solution. This is because both parents are made to feel able and competent.
Many children prefer to live with both parents, instead of being in the sole custody of one, and having to spend limited time with the other.
Research supports Shared Residency. Children who spend an equal amount of time with both parents are better able to survive the divorce of their parents, even if the parents are in conflict.
Child Support
Even if the responsible parent does not make a claim for maintenance, the Child Support Agency is expected to obtain maintenance usually from the husband. Children may also apply for maintenance.
Child support does not automatically terminate when a child reaches the age of 18, unless a motion is filed to this end.
Visitation Rights
Visitation rights are given to the parent with whom the child does not reside, and these orders continue till the child is 16 years of age. Even the child’s relatives and siblings can apply for visitation rights.
Parents should not use visitation rights as weapons. This not only hurts the parent without sole custody, it also hurts the children. Moreover, grandparents and relatives should not be denied these rights when the children value their company.
Emotional Concerns
How children react to divorce is determined by several factors such as their age, gender, temperament, and most importantly, by the way the parents handle the situation.
The wounds of divorce take time to heal, if they ever do.
The most critical period for a child is the year that follows the physical separation. Although this is the time when divorcing parents are most distracted and upset, they must ensure that the child’s routines and discipline are not thrown into disarray.
As the second year begins, things settle down, and children, especially young girls, feel better. By this time the mother has found a job if she hasn’t already got one, and if required, the family has moved home. Life becomes predictable and children need predictability.
However, boys continue to be aggressive and have a difficult relationship with their mothers.
The Role Played by the Relationship between Parents
If parents are able to control their emotions, and get their lives together again, they can help their children weather the storm of divorce.
If they want to minimize the permanent damage to their children they must be amicable with each other and share parenting decisions. On no account must they speak negatively about each other, for children view their parents as role models, and it is up to them to make their own judgments.
Parenting lasts a lifetime, although marriage often does not. Studies prove that children can survive the healthy divorce of their parents.
