Managed Divorce

According to social psychologists, a divorce takes a structured format:

1. Disappointment and frustration of one partner – usually in his/her life objectives and responsibilities
2. Tendency to blame spouse for his/her failure
3. Arriving at a decision to legally separate
4. Legal separation followed by divorce

More than 83 percent of divorce cases do not follow a structured path where separated couples, remarry after a year. Social and economic benefits coming in for divorced parents, courtesy the Manchester Labour Union may be encouraging couples to stay divorced. Some benefits include educational allowances, flexible work timings and counseling sessions among others. The Manchester Labour Union predicted that by the turn of the century, most of the population of the UK would be divorced.

Divorce is thus an integral part of British social and community life. There are two types of marriages. The first type is always embroiled in conflict and thus a separation or divorce can be viewed as an escape. The other type of marriage is the average type where the partners gradually lose contact with each other in every way. This physical and emotional weaning leads to a divorce. However, divorce in itself is a traumatic and life-changing decision and event. It is not dependent on the type of marriage.

In 1970, social psychologist, Bohannan, stated that couples need to understand the many facets of divorce. Couples need to grasp the many far-reaching implications of divorce. According to him, a divorce has many dimensions:

1. the legal divorce wherein there is formal separation or dissolution of the marriage through the courts
2. the emotional divorce meaning the emotional separation and disengagement from the partner
3. the economic divorce which involves the division of money and property between the two individuals
4. the co-parental divorce involving the negotiation of parenting following separation
5. the community divorce meaning the changing relationship with friends and community obligations during divorce
6. the psychic divorce revolving around the separation of oneself from the spouse, family responsibilities and being alone

The acceptance of all these facets means that a couple knows the consequences and is ready to handle them. The Office for National Statistics reveal almost 40 percent of the households in Manchester and Liverpool to be single-parent, divorced households. A longitudinal survey of more than 80,000 divorced couples revealed that more than 30 percent suffer from low self-esteem and are employed in poorly paid jobs. Findings also show that 20 percent of divorced fathers indulge in drug-abuse, displaying anti-social tendencies.

Social psychologist, Ross claims that the decision to divorce is reached after great thought. It is accompanied with feelings of ambivalence, distrust and confusion. Ross states that a divorce carries primarily five emotional stages. They include:

1. grief
2. hurt
3. anger
4. hatred
5. disbelief

A divorcing couple goes through an emotional upheaval. And if children are involved, a divorce becomes very difficult and unpleasant.

Research results indicate that in 2004 there were 18,700 divorced households in Glasgow. In Northern Ireland the number increased to 215,610. Out of these, more than 48 percent of single mothers were employed on the shop floor in manufacturing industries. Only two percent of divorced women held bank jobs while divorced men were employed full time in the automobile industry.

Survey results also show that more than seven percent of teens who resided with the divorced mother were likely to go to college. According to social researcher, Arhons, adults suffered more emotionally as compared to children. She claims that divorce renders both the parties economically and mentally weak. Arhons claims that divorcing couples face rejection and blame by children. More than 32 percent of young victims blamed their divorced mother. In a nutshell, she states that the emotional effects of divorce are:

1. remorse and guilt
2. denial
3. shock and anger
4. betrayal
5. loss of individualism and identity
6. depression and grief
7. victimization
8. sense of loss leading to low motivation levels
9. insecurity
10. low self esteem
11. bargaining and finally acceptance
12. a strong desire for reconciliation or to get even

The emotional effects during and after a divorce usually resemble that of bereavement. Instead of grieving for the loss of a loved one, the couple finds itself grieving for the loss of a relationship, security and social identity. Arhons states that with acceptance, the divorced couple finds the strength to re-build and move on. More than 28 percent of divorced couples started dating and eventually got remarried. But, usually this scenario occurs, four to six months after the divorce.

The emotional effects of divorce on children usually depend on how a parent breaks the news. It is also dependent on the position a parent takes i.e. whether he/ she blames the other parent for everything. The key factor is to make the child feel secure and loved. Ross further adds that it is important for the divorced parent not to reveal her/his emotional scars to the child. It is equally critical not to divorce the children. But, Ross states that this is a sad but true fact. More than 67 percent of divorced fathers do not play an active role in the life of the child. They seem to forget the child’s existence. This, claims Ross, indicates resentment on the part of the divorced parent. It is crucial that the emotional adjustment of the adult and the child occur at the same time. More than 12 percent of divorced mothers claimed that the fathers took the children out only during the weekends.

The emotional maladjustment of a divorced couple spells doom for the society as a whole. It becomes imperative for the divorced couple to seek counselling to deal with the emotional after-effects of divorce. Life is not going to be the same. Tensions in every area be it finance, work or the community are likely to increase.

Article: Emotional Effects of Divorce

Created on: 2007-06-27 09:09:11