- Bitter divorces usually result in long work hours by the couple’s respective lawyers and this positively affects the billing hours of the lawyers. The fee of the lawyer is bound to increase.
But the fundamental question remains as to why people engage in acrimonious, drawn-out contested divorces. Social psychologists hold the view that, generally in these cases, no party emerges the winner. Both sides lose their professional and personal dignity. Acrimonious divorces also negatively affect the innocent victims i.e. the children who get caught in this whirlwind situation where they have to choose one parent over the other. In short, contested and acrimonious divorces are a losing proposition and the reasons why people jump into them are:
Revenge: People usually reject the divorce affidavit arguing for their case mainly because they are hurt and angry. They want to hurt the partner as they have been hurt by the divorce petition. This is known as ‘the vengeful and harmful attitude’ which usually does not benefit anyone. The fundamental objective of the respondent is to humiliate the petitioner in front of an audience to satisfy her or his inner craving for revenge. The respondent does not see this attitude as vengeful but simply as ‘poetic justice.’ The respondent is simply giving back what the petitioner has done to her or him. The respondent feels that the petitioner should not be allowed to escape free of any cost but has to realise the harm and upheaval he or she has caused.
Repentance: There are also a percentage of spouses who file for adversarial divorces simply to trudge up all marital acts and details in court to refresh the partner’s mind. The respondent thinks that this ‘washing of marital linen in court’ will make the partner realise her or his worth. It will make the petitioner regret his or her act of filing for divorce. In addition, adversarial divorces will make the petitioner realise the heavy social, emotional, financial contribution made by the respondent towards the marriage. Adversarial divorces are thus ways of making the petitioner yearn for reconciliation – they are a way of making the petitioner appreciate his or her spouse and the sacrifices made by her or him.
Effects: Whatever the reason, adversarial divorces do have a lot of negative and positive impacts on the lives of the people involved in the case.
Marital private details and facts such as bedroom sexual details – intimate facts – financial inadequacies and even medical histories – are revealed in court. This usually causes shame and a loss of self-esteem to both involved parties. Studies reveal that this revelation usually propels people towards suicides and can lead to chronic depression in other cases.
On the professional front, they often become the centre of jokes and get ignored for promotions and vertical job enlargement opportunities. They come to be seen as social liabilities by the authorities concerned at the workplace. These couples often find themselves shunned and not invited to public and social gatherings. Consequently, they become withdrawn and lonely developing anti-social disorders.
Adversarial divorces are cruel and callous when it comes to children. They have to deal with a gamut of facts and troubling emotions – their parents hate each other enough to humiliate each other in public. This often leads to troubled psyches within children. They feel pulled between the parents and usually have to choose one over the other. This is extremely unfair as for the child both parents are equally loved and respected. When such decisions are forced upon the child, it takes its toll on the fragile psyche of the child:
- They run away from home
- They seek bad company of adults
- They turn to alcohol and drugs
- They develop schizophrenic disorders
- They develop disorders of anorexia and bulimia
- They turn to physical and social aggression of bullying – torturing self and others
On the financial side, adversarial divorces prove a pain to the wallets of the individuals concerned. Acrimonious divorces generally are burdensome on the purse strings.
Social psychologists state that even though the respondent may harbour a feeling of revenge and want to teach his or her partner a lesson – it is advisable to always seek a mutual assented path of divorce. The individual can walk away with self-dignity and a bright financial future.
