The quintessential idea of the perfect life we have grown to expect is -- the house with the nicely trimmed garden, mother baking cookies, father at work and the two children playing with the dog.
Today, the rest of the picture may be the same, but a father doesn’t necessarily complete the picture. Many women are choosing to be single mothers. In some cases, they have custody of the children, post-divorce and in others they choose the status without marriage.
Women Choosing Single Motherhood
The modern woman has a thriving career and this takes up a lot of her time. Having been through failed relationships, she just doesn’t have the time to invest in a new one that might end in heartbreak. However, she doesn’t want to be denied the experience of motherhood. So what does she do? She decides to skip the process of marriage and enjoy being a single mother instead.
Since they are financially secure, women do not need men to provide for the children. Women who aren’t in a relationship choose to adopt a child. If in a relationship, they have their partner’s baby but take sole responsibility for the child. They find motherhood the perfect balance to the demands of a career. A child gives them a chance to channelize their softer side without fearing the relationship going awry.
Women Who Shun Single Motherhood
Just as there are confident, savvy women who choose to be single mothers, there are those who dread the thought. Some women become mothers as part of having a family. In the event of a divorce and gaining child custody, they may find the experience terrifying. They do not know if they can handle a career and look after the children. They do not feel confident of making the correct decisions regarding the children. Some find that it ties them down and they have lost their freedom.
Careers and Single Motherhood
Though times have changed, a woman has to work twice as hard to prove herself. A demanding career and single motherhood are not easy to handle. If a woman has a support system at home i.e. parents and sibling who are willing to chip in, it makes it a little easier. If she really is all alone, then she has to juggle work around so she can be there for the children too. Some women choose to freelance or work from home so they have more flexible hours.
Boys and Single Mothers
While most boys are attached to their mothers, they look up to their fathers for guidance, reassurance and strength. A father balances out a mother’s softer personality and gives a boy that masculine cutting edge. While boys who grow up with single mothers do not necessarily have to be effeminate, they do have a softer side to them. At best they can empathise with women better and at worst they may not be able to take the stances expected of a man.
A woman might encourage her son to go out and play soccer, rugby etc but the experience of sharing these things with a father is different. Some boys may secretly resent being denied a father and this will reflect in his personality. A father’s tough presence might keep him from indulging in bad habits, while he may be able to find it easier to hoodwink his mother.
Boys seem to have a tougher time emotionally during their teenage years. This is the time that they either tread the straight part or get negatively influenced. During these delicate years, it does make a difference to have a balance of a mother’s softness and a father’s strict authority.
Tips for Single Mothers
Nothing in the world substitutes for time with children. Single mothers must ensure that children are their priority even while giving time to careers. Women need to know when to be soft and when to be tough. The temptation to over-compensate might be strong but a woman should refrain from this. She needs to be a strict disciplinarian and set the rules from the start. When the children learn to respect her, she must back this up with the nurturing that only a woman can provide.
It will be difficult but being a single mother is not impossible. The children need to know that their mother knows what is happening in their lives and cares. A woman does not have to give up on a social life altogether but she cannot let it come in the way of her role as mother. Since there are several single mothers, it might be wise to befriend a few, so the children understand that they are not exceptions.
Conclusion
Single motherhood is not an alien concept these days. Since it is an increasing phenomenon, societal infrastructure has changed to make life easier. It all depends on the person and how they dedicate themselves to the role.
