Modern society is witnessing a change. According to the BBC Parenting website, in 2004 there were more than 25,000 single mother households in London. This constitutes more than 30% of single mother households existent in the UK.
Raising children in a one-parent family is a growing trend. Women are opting for single motherhood and raising children by themselves. According to social psychologists, it is a sign of women’s empowerment. Women today are confident of their capacities, potential and abilities.
They no longer feel the need for a man to raise children. Behavioural psychologists argue that women and society should not discount the role of the father in a child's growth and development. They state that biology and nature has equipped men and women with separate qualities and abilities to deal with children. These abilities have to be complemented by the other. Behavioural psychologists further argue that the absence of any one parent does pull back the development of the child. A single parent cannot provide all the emotional, social and cognitive security needed during the growing up period. But this traditional parental role is being questioned and ignored. Today, it is common to find single mothers and fathers raising children. These single parents hold the opinion that they are following all the golden rules of childcare: following professional advice and suggestions to bring up a healthy and normal child.
But, research proves otherwise. A child brought up by a single parent is bound to have a personality deficiency, which may come to the fore in adulthood. Behavioural psychologists state that the reason for the trend of single motherhood can be attributed to various attitudinal and social changes. They do provide a list of suggestions for single moms:
Know Yourself
Behavioural psychologists insist that it is vital for the single mother to know every vestige of her personality and attitude. Bringing up children single-handedly has been compared to a trapeze act where the mother should not lose her grip and fall. Thus, it is important for the mother to let go of all emotional baggage be it pertaining to a divorce, a boyfriend betrayal or general depression. The premise is that a mom cannot and will not be able to cope and balance professional and personal life simultaneously if in the throes of emotional trauma. When one knows their own capability, things and expectations automatically fall into place. A single mom is able to find the inner strength and resources to manage her home-front and office life successfully.
She can deal with the growing pains of her children. She can plug all parental holes and provide a safe and secure home for the child. A crucial aspect involves being upfront with the child. It is important for a single mother to be aware of sniggering questions in the child's mind. It is her duty to quell these queries in a satisfactory way. At no time should the child be admonished for asking about dad. This goes a long way in proving to the child that mom is capable of handling all issues.
Maintaining an Open Communication Line
A single mom always has to be on the same wavelength as her child. Communication does not only mean a monologue of instructions, questions and orders. A huge component of all communication involves listening followed by a frank discussion. Moms should listen to the child. They should have a keen sense of observation and be able to notice any behaviour, which is amiss. Single moms have to be alert all the time and cannot put down their thinking caps. They have to communicate to the child about what is happening reassuring them of their continued love and support.
A child should view the mother as a friend, confidant and at the same time be aware that a certain line of discipline should not be crossed. The child should have the confidence to discuss and share all personal issues such as sex, boyfriends, career options and peer pressure issues with the mother. The channel of communication should be open, two-way and direct. Usually single moms seek professional domestic help who stay in the house and look after the children. Even when this happens, mothers should not close the channel of communication. The bond, which exists between mother and child from birth, should not be severed.
But, mothers ought to be careful when raising boys. Boys need a male authority figure in their lives. The BBC parenting website suggests that family members, relatives, friends and acquaintances who share a rapport with the mother, can play this role. Boys need a male figure to develop properly in the emotional, social and cognitive aspect.
