Divorce is a part of daily life on this island now, with about more than a third of the marriages already in the graveyard. However, there is no lack of people who still want to hold on to their marriages, but are just going through a rough patch.
That is the worst dilemma one can face – you would like to remain married – but can’t bear to stay with your spouse for the time being. The internet, counselling centres and tabloids are full of people who have gone through a divorce and come to regret it. At the same time, all of them, without exception have agreed that ‘at that time’ they just could not stand each other at all. This is just where the concept of trial separation comes in – it is a second chance granted to marriage – without the obvious hassles of a divorce and a remarriage with the same person.
What is a Trial Separation
A divorce, as all of us know, is finalised when the decree absolute is granted. Prior to that stage, even when the decree nisi has been granted, the marriage is not annulled. It is the granting of the decree absolute that makes it a marriage stand fully null and void. There is a tone of terrifying finality in the whole thing – like death. A trial separation is initiated when the two parties concerned agree to part for a certain period of time (usually one month), and live apart from each other till they feel reconciled enough to continue with their conjugal life, or go for a divorce. In case the couple has children, they would have to decide among themselves what the living arrangements should be. As in divorce, they need to draw up a legal agreement with the help of a lawyer or notary public. They also need to draw rules about visitation. One parent stays with the children in the family home (usually) or moves out with them, while the other parent is allowed to visit the children at a regular interval of time. This may or may not happen in the presence of the other spouse. The partners decide amongst themselves whether they want to exchange mails or call each other during this period, and this varies according to particular situations.
Advantages of Trial Separation
Some of the advantages of trial separation are noted below.
- There are many marriages where the relation is based on a deep bonding over the years and divorce is really not the solution. A trial separation makes the partners realise how much they still love and need each other, and makes for a stronger marriage.
- Those who are having ‘just a fling’ or an infatuation with a third party can ‘work it out of their systems’ over this period. They realise that the relation that they have just moved out of was the better choice, and return to it.
- There are some cases where one partner has become too overbearing. According to singer Mariah Carey, her marriage would have survived if her husband had agreed for a trial separation. But at that point of time, their relation were almost a father – daughter one, as her husband had become too protective, and she only wanted to break out.
- Sometimes, especially in the case of long marriages, the burden of running a home with children for years becomes just too much. A trial separation is almost like a vacation and rejuvenates the whole equation.
- A trial separation is not a divorce. You have the advantage of staying away from a final decision, and spend some time in retrospection. Once everything falls in perspective, life becomes so much easier and decisions can be taken with more clarity. One needs privacy and space (both mental and physical) to do this kind of thinking, and nothing works better than staying alone for it.
Disadvantages of Trial Separation
Let us have a look at the flip side now.
- A trial separation would be quite costly – maybe as much as a divorce. You still have to pay the lawyer, and draw up a deed. There would be the extra living arrangement that is required for the partner who is going away, and there would be money spent on the visits as well.
- It takes a toll on the children, as they are very confused by the whole arrangement. They can still follow the meaning of marriage and divorce, but trial separation, as a concept, has been tough even for teenagers to grasp properly.
- At the end of the day, it may all fall through, and the divorce might happen along with all the regrets.
